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Talk:Beware the Good Samaritan
Critique of Beware the Good Samaritan by Hävitetty To begin, I would like to say I had no intention of reviewing any pastas today. The only reason I clicked on this story is because of the title; as a former Christian, I have a bit of a soft spot for stories involving Biblical themes and settings. My attitude towards "Beware the Good Samaritan" upon finishing it was one of enjoyment and satisfaction. You have written a narrative that was well-worth the read. However, your choice of words was repetitive and dull to say the least, two examples being the words "sadistic" and "disturbing," which were used a grand total of nine times. Perhaps this isn't as repetitive as I make it out to be, but the main point in noting this was how you used them inappropriately. For example, the word "disturbing" in the phrase "veil of disturbing darkness" is a misuse of the word. I suppose you could argue this was purposefully placed to create alliteration, as I have just done in this sentence, but the lack of this particular literary device thereafter seems to dismiss that idea. Additionally, there are several parts of the story in which Nazar's attempts to appear eerie end up making him look more silly than creepy. One such example is when Bobby asked what kind of name Nazar is, to which Nazar replied "Oh just the name of the Good Samaritan that kidnapped your scum-sucking, hobo-killing, mugger ass before that shadow monster killed you." Now, I will critique the story itself. The differentiation between Nazar and The Judge is apparent, but the exact nature of each is unclear. I understand that in all likelihood you intentionally made the connection between the two difficult to determine in order to benefit the story, but that is not what I am referring to. Nazar seems to make up for what The Judge lacks in mercy, forming a sort of good cop-bad cop deal. What confuses me is whether they are a part of the same entity or two different beings. Nazar explains that he literally cannot hold Bobby's sins against him, but then Nazar himself kills Bobby for his sins at the end of the story, effectively creating a contradiction. I'm guessing the sentence "The color drained out of Bobby’s face as he heard the Judge’s voice" indicates that The Judge is the one who is unmerciful and unforgiving, but if that were true, The Judge would have killed Bobby at the end, not Nazar. If Nazar is truly incapable of holding a person accountable for their sins, then you should have substituted "The Judge" for "Nazar" in the last sentence of your story. If it weren't for the repetitive choice of words and the confusion between Nazar and The Judge, this story would earned a four. However, I have no choice but to give it a three after appreciating these mistakes. Chin up, though; I give most stories a one or a two, and rarely do I write a detailed review of stories earning anything less than a four. You have great potential, and I recommend you act on it by continuing to exercise your writing skills by publishing more stories. Hävitetty (talk) 18:23, June 1, 2013 (UTC)Hävitetty